He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
