Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Randomize
