you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
