Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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