dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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