I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
