so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
