If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
