You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
