just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Randomize
