You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Randomize