Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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