the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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