K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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