My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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