I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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