dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
