Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Just fell off a train. Bad.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
