I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I FOUND THE LEGS
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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