If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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