the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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