he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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