I'm really into asian looking animals
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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