Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize