She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
