I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I'm passing your future prison.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
