she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Girls should come with a carfax report
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
