I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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