I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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