my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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