What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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