Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
