new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
