Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I have feelings that need drinking.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
