Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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