Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
