I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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