he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
