Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
