I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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