I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
