I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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