the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
