I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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