I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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