it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
