PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
