what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Randomize
