mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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