He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
