I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
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