idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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