nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
