When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
