I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
