Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
