Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
