Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
