so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
i believe in u and ur pee
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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