I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
