Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
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