i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize