I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
