I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
