It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
