In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm too high and old for this...
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
