You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
