So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
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