I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
