You're so nebulous sometimes
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
