you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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